To Be Fair (I'm Trying)

To be fair to my parents, my husband and I have lived with them three times! On the other hand, I have to say to myself, why didn't we learn the first time or at least the second time? I think the first time was kind of fun because we had been living in Ohio and suddenly my husband had a job in Wisconsin. We were having trouble selling our house and had found another, but the owner actually didn't want to move out until the following spring and it was only August. My parents were thrilled that we were going to be closer and were more than happy to have us stay with them while we got the housing thing sorted out. And, frankly, it was a fun time for all of us. My dad was still working, so Mom and I would get up with the guys in the morning to fix breakfast and see them off to work. My mom loved getting out so we spent a lot of time exploring the countryside. Dad was just in the process of retiring and having a good time celebrating regularly with all his customers. He was a traveling salesman for as long as I could remember and growing up, he was gone most of the time during the week and home on weekends. Frankly, I didn't know him that well. My mom pretty much raised my two brothers and me, and although she was a Southern lady, she was also definitely in charge of everything, including my dad. I didn't appreciate that until dementia started in and suddenly Dad had all the "power."  When I was growing up, I think we were all happy when he got home at the end of the week. However, except for a couple of family vacations, he usually ended up keeping himself busy the entire weekend so what did we really know about him? I recall my mom saying to me in later years that she missed him when he was gone, but was happy to see him leave again on Monday. Knowing what I know now, all I can say is, "I'll bet!" The second time we lived with my parents my husband had found another job, we sold our house and were in the process of building a new one. My husband's company actually paid to have him stay in an apartment in the city during this time, but he would come to stay with me at my parents' home on weekends. By this time, my dad had retired and what a rude awakening! I discovered that my dad was obnoxious and seemed to be totally unaware of how he affected other people, especially immediate family. It's difficult to describe, but I kept journals and just let me say, that living with my dad felt like a constant irritation. For some reason, he felt totally comfortable burping loudly as he would sit in the living room reading a book. Okay, doesn't sound bad until you've listened to it for an hour. And when I finally made a comment, he responded with something about being in his own home and "it's better than coming out the other end!" He also has a single false tooth that would cause him to make these loud sucking noises when he apparently had food caught in it. And if we were sitting together watching TV, he often felt the need to remove it and have a good look! Also, Dad loves to run around without a shirt. He's not a heavy guy, but he sure has man boobs! And let's face it, older and old men do not look good without a shirt anyway. One day he met me at the door with a t-shirt on and complained that my mom had told him he had to wear a shirt! Thank you, Mom. Now, of course, my mom isn't quite so insistent, but recently we were in the car together when we spotted Dad coming out of his workshop, shirtless. My mom looked at my dad and then turned to me and said "your father needs a bra."  The point is, my dad doesn't seem to have many boundaries when it comes to his family. Thank God, the same apparently doesn't apply to others. He is generous, kind, and thoughtful, but he also doesn't listen worth a damn and often cuts me off mid sentence because he's more interested in what he has to say. He's a horrible gossip and I know things about family and friends that would surprise them. Of course, they could probably say the same thing. I can love my dad one moment and be wishing one of us lived on another continent the next. So, even though this Blog is dedicated to complaining about him, I also need to make it clear that he's not a jerk on purpose all of the time. Somehow, he managed to attract and keep my mom all these years, but I do find it interesting that a good part of the marriage he wasn't around and now, in her own little way, Mom seems to be on her own trip!